C-rona chronicles: day 38

9:30 – OK, I'm gonna get a pull up bar to keep working out.

9:35 – Can't find a pull up bar on Amazon that's not classified as a collectible item. Come on fat guys, are you really working out or you just bought one because you thought you were gonna workout during the quarantine? Be honest.

10:15 – I've failed finding a pull up bar I can buy. In other news, I got a new, polished stripper pole. If my career in advertising won't quite take off I'm coming for you JLo in Hustlers!

12:30 – Got paid to buy a thousand barrels of oil futures. I might or might not be recreating Shakira's "La Tortura" music video right now.

1:18 – Turns out cleaning oil is actually harder than I thought. No wonder why so many celebrities volunteer to do so every time there's an oil spill. I guess it's just fitting that I'm cleaning one on Earth's Day.

1:19 – Unrelated. Happy Birthday Earth! May you get rid of the vermin better known as humans!

1:20 – Going into a philosophical rabbit hole about volcano eruptions being Earth's candles being blown out. #Not420Anymore

1:21 – And maybe earthquakes are just from Earth doing Zumba lessons. #420Was2DaysAgo

1:22 – I should stop, right? Imma stop now. #Bye420

3:30 – I just learned that apparently you could get COVID-19 through other people's farts. No wonder why I wanna drop dead every time I run behind that old guy on the track.

3:35 – Added a lacy buttmask to my facemask collection. Some people might want to call it a "Thong" but I rather call it a necessary safety measure to stop this quarantine.

5:30 – Ran out of dishes to photograph. From now on my #FoodPorn is gonna be the same old waffle picture but with new stickers.